simulacrum of life

as the night begins to stretch into morning, i remain awake. lost and alone. i might not act it. my actions may seem like my family is an incidental part of my life, but it's not true. it's just that i take for granted the love and stability they offer. so whilst my actions toward them may appear at times to be uncaring, love is never far from my mind. the need to love and be loved in return is great. love is not a luxury that we can live without. we can exist without love, but to experience joie de vivre, i do believe that love is an essential ingredient. to be 8000+ km away from them makes a part of me die. maybe not die, but it's in a comatose state. to just be around them to feed off their vibes. that's all i want...