simulacrum of life

thatha fell and broke his hip early in january last year. due to his state of mind, members of his family rotated to stay the night with him, so that he would always have company. getting an independent man to use a bedpan is not easy. he always wanted to go to the toilet, but due to his immobility, he couldn't. since i was on holidays at that point in time, i stayed the nights with thatha more than the rest.

after he had his hip replacement surgery, he was placed in the high dependency room, so that he could be easily monitored. it was an individual room and i was given a mattress to sleep on that was placed beside his bed. once, in the middle of the night, he woke up and started complaining that someone was pulling at his feet. the doctors figured that this was due to inactivity of his legs. it would take a while for him to grasp the idea, and then he would accept it, but due to his dementia, he'd forget it soon after. anyways, i tried to comfort him and tell him that there was no problem.

there was another night, when he was lying in bed moaning and i asked him, "thatha, are you ok? do you want anything?" it startled him a bit, because my mattress was below the level of his bed, and so to him it felt like a voice coming from nowhere. "who are you?" he asked. "{my real name}" i replied. "ahh.. you are my guardian angel. i hold you close to my heart and i know that you have been sent to be by my side to watch over me. thank you, but please look after my family. they need your guardianship more than i do", at which point, i reached up and held his hand, and i felt him grip my hand back with a firmness that seemed beyond his physical capacity, and we both lay down silently, me with tears rolling down my cheek, until he fell asleep.