simulacrum of life

you walk along the water's edge
you look around and see none but your companion
you spread a towel and lie
you see that it's all the way it's meant to be

i can so see how it might have happened. "hacer el amor a Jesús" followed by a number to be called, scrawled on the wall of a filthy alley in a mexican bordertown. the closet gay christian, from the US town just north of the border, is brought to this alley to be fellated. just as he reaches the point of orgasm, as the stars are exploding in his eyes, he sees the writings on the wall and has an epiphany. being gay is not a sin!!! and he returns back home and starts printing these bumper stickers.

p.s. the above was inspired by 1 of the bumper stickers i saw on the car in front of me. i was fairly bemused by it, because from what i gathered, the person who had stuck on the stickers was probably a methodist, and i'm quite sure that wesleyans don't approve of homosexuality, and so i was fairly tickled by the prospect.

p.p.s i realise that my postscript is almost as long as the main post. but it's my blog and i'll have postscripts longer than my posts if i want to.

disclaimer: the above post was written tongue in cheek. no offence was intended against either christians or homosexuals.

you know why...

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

-Green Day

you are near certain people and can't help but feel uplifted.
you have neighbours who feed you delicious meals that nourish the soul as well as the body.
assistance is provided from the most unexpected of sources.
you are loved for who you are and not despite who you are.
you are understood by the other person even when you yourself aren't able to make sense of what you're saying.
you wake up in the morning and are able to smile :)

most people i know sleep in on the weekends, after having had early starts all week long. me being me, end up waking up MUCH earlier. was up before 4am both yesterday and today (on most other weekends, that's usually the time that i'm heading off to bed after a night out). the reason i was up so early on saturday was to go to perumal temple for suprabatham prayers. during a phase of my life, i thought it was quite nice to wake up to it, considering that i share one of his 1008 names, so it almost felt personal. i remember going for the suprbatham prayers in 1998, when i was in secondary 4. at that time, it was a much smaller affair. all devotees could fit into the main sanctum quite comfortably. it was nice and cozy. i could sit and meditate after the prayers. after being in australia the past coupla years, i've not gone for it, and when i went for it again last year, i was quite shocked at the HUGE turn out. from like 50-60 people in 1998 it had swollen to a mass of at least 1000+. people were seated all the way up to the gopuram doorway. this year was no different from last year. it's a wee bit hard to feel that personal connection with the almighty when you are being jostled by a huge maami. anyways, that was saturday.

and then this morning was lakshmi pooja at home. and the priest had to be ferried over from the temple, and guess who was volunteered for chauffeuring duties? :) that meant waking up at 4.15 so that i could drag my ass to the temple by 5 to pick him up. prayers all over. house smelling of the yagna smoke, and i'm off to bed for another nap.. lunch calls first though

he looks in, takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and before he knows it, he's fallen into the chasm. in his mind's eye he sees what was, what is and what may be. they flash past him. he knows that he can un-fall as quickly as he fell in, but he chooses not to. the heady rush he feels heightens his senses. he opens his eyes and things slow. he enjoys the fall.. into oblivion

some questions or comments make you think really hard and cause you to come to conclusions that you never thought you'd come to. and that makes you wonder about what has changed that has allowed you to reach such conclusions, and that's when it hits you like a ton of bricks at 3 o'clock in the morning...

we've all had our fantasies. to go somewhere, or to do something, or both. and sometimes we actually get the opportunity to live out our fantasies. we plan, sparing no effort, to try an ensure that the reality matches the fantasy. we build it up in our heads. and then when we actually get to live it out, more often than not, the reality doesn't live up to the fantasy. basically we've hyped it up beyond expectation. after this happens a few times, we seriously contemplate attempting to live out the fantasy. maybe we'd be better off just letting it remain so, so that it remains beautiful in our minds. BUT... what if reality did match the fantasy? what IF reality exceeded the fantasy? the experience is sooo mind-blowingly awesome that you wonder what you've done to deserve this. would you be willing to go even further? would you try and make that fantasy a part of your regular life. OR would you take it for a lucky one-off occurrence and just appreciate it as such and savour that memory for the rest of your life.. what would you do?

whilst most of the world remembers 9/11 as 9/11/2001, let's also remember 9/11/1906. the later 9/11 marked the birth of an atmosphere of mistrust and violence. the earlier 9/11 heralded the birth of non-violent civil disobedience, where self-sacrifice and the steadfast adherence to truth were the guiding principles. so which would you prefer to remember 9/11 for?

p.s. i know i'm a day late. but i forgot to post this yesterday

like two ships rolling in a storm
anchors tangled
our hands intertwined
clinging to each other
for hope
for validation
for strength
for.... peace