simulacrum of life

hindsight is that much of bullshit. of course in retrospect i would have done this or that differently. if hindsight were foresight, we'd make no mistakes and WOW.. life would be oh-so-boring. the excitement of not knowing what tomorrow brings, the thrill of knowing that you may be surprised.. that makes life worth living. if along the way, you get some not so nice surprises, oh well.. that's just life telling you that it ain't all fun and games.

but since i'm feeling retrospective right now, i shall say this. i have done things in my life that i'm not proud of. i've hurt people who have done nothing to deserve being hurt by me. i have also been hurt by people and i've wondered what i did to deserve it. the answers, i'll never know. all i can do is carry on living and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

i told myself before that i would not live a lie. that i'd be true to myself. i need to be able to look in the mirror in the morning and be able to look myself in the eye and see that i have not devolved into something that i never wished to become. i have lived lies before and the burden on my conscience was a bit too much to take. hence my current course of action.

as robbie is singing on the cd i'm listening to right now, "cause i got too much life.. running through my veins, going to waste". i wanna change the person that i am, for the type of people i seek are the type of people i used to be, and i can't live in the past.

keep the faith...