simulacrum of life

i stepped bleary eyed into the bathroom. rubbing the sleep away, i gazed into the mirror to inspect my face for any new imperfections. and then..... from the corner of my eye i spotted something small and black reflected in the mirror. it was in the far corner of the bathroom, near the ceiling. what was this unusual thing? i stepped out of the bathroom to get my glasses. mounted on my nose, i peered back into the bathroom. my suspicions were confirmed. it was a HUGE black cockroach. jet black and with wriggly antennae, swishing back and forth. how was i to be bathing with this tiny intruder watching my every move? what if it suddenly jumped onto me and wriggled its way into one of my body's orifices?!?! *shudders at the thought* that could not be allowed!! but how was i to smash it into a pulp when it was perched so high up beyond my reach? the solution would be to bring it to the ground. but how was this deed to be done? no bug spray was gonna be used. for one thing the bathroom is an enclosed area with items that go onto or into my body. no way i wannabe imbibing any poisons :Þ and even if i was ok with that, i didn't have any that i could use. so there was the rubber band. shoot the bugger until he dropped. shoot him i did. scramble along the top edge of the bathroom he did. until he got near the toilet bowl area. ahhh.. from here i could reach him. but i didn't wanna get squished bug guts on my white wall. so a ton of soap spray did i use to make him slip and slide til he tumbled onto the floor. up and down went my thonged foot, and splat went the roach. and peace was once again restored, after 30 minutes.