simulacrum of life

i must admit, my mother came up with a real winner the other day. since i have been follicularly challenged (read: balding) since i stepped into this country, all those many years ago, i have been experimenting with hairstyles. currently, it's a mess of curls. the sides and front and back look sufficiently thick for people not to notice the state of my hair. and i guess it also helps that i'm a wee bit taller than average, so noone sees the top of my head. getting back to my mother, she noticed that looking from the front, i looked like i had a full head of hair, which led her to comment...

" you know... your hair is like singapore. very deceiving. from the
front it looks vastly green, but when you fly overhead, you see that
it's only small strips of green, and a few metres on the otherside it's
concrete."

:(

the sobs of the wife
whose face is blue and black
the grimace of the husband
who returns to a house and not a home
a silence that has grown to be comfortable
for the child who has never known love
behind closed doors they happen
behind closed doors they stay
never to see the light of day
the dirty, dark secrets
we'll never let
see the sun's rays..

nooo.. it's not referring to the adidas teamgeist, the world cup 2006 match ball. i'm referring to spain's 4th and last goal against ukraine. selfless 1-2 passing that culminated in fernando torres scoring in the 81st minute. poetry in motion. puyol could have gone for goal. it would have been an iffy proposition but i've seen lotsa players trying to get their names on the scoreboards from such situations. however, he centres the ball to torres who drills it straight into the bottom left corner of the net. that's teamspirit..

on another note, i must say that i like this new ball. all the curving it does leads to some beautiful goals. now, you don't need to be able to bend it like beckham :P

Open the window
Let the sunset in
If only for the last time
Let me see you smile again

I'll take my records
You can have your books
I'm sorry I never read them
But it says so much about us

Always trying
To make love out of care
The perfect recipe
But something wasn't there

And I wish you Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that's warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose

You'll write me letters
I'll call you on the phone
A wire away from touching
And never quite alone

We'll get to know ourselves again
And we'll heal our hearts
It's not that we're bad together
We're just better off apart

Always trying
To have one and one make two
And even though it never worked
I still feel love for you

And I wish you Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that's warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose

- Vertical Horizon

thanks to vasud for introducing the song to me.

you think you are over some things, but then as you are cruising along smoothly, it hits you in the face like a brick wall. thank god for emotional amnesia..

"don't cry..
don't raise you eye..
i'ts only teenage wasteland"

heart starts pounding as the inevitable looms on the horizon. the finish line of one journey, i see in the near future, as the beginning of another beckons. as i walk through life, i just pray to the almighty to give me the strength to live through the day.

found the above on postsecret. you hope that the ones you love know that you love them. for the most part, i don't think i have to rely on them assuming that i love them, because i have told them so, but re-affirmation may not always have constant. if any of you reads my blog, please know that i do love you. you know who you are..

It's 2006, the consumer’s still pissed
Won't take it anymore so I’m writing a list
Don't try to resist this paradigm shift
The music revolution cannot be dismissed $18.98 Iggy Pop CD?
What if I can get it from my sister for free?
It’s all about marketing Clive Davis, see?
If fans buy the shirt then they get the mp3
Music was a product now it is a service
Major record labels why are you trying to hurt us?
Epic’s up in my face like, “Don’t steal our songs Lars,”
While Sony sells the burners that are burning CD-R’s
So Warner, EMI, hear me clearly
Universal Music, update your circuitry
They sue little kids downloading hit songs
They think that makes sense
When they know that it’s wrong

Hey Mr. Record Man
The joke’s on you
Running your label
Like it was 1992
Hey Mr. Record Man,
Your system can’t compete
It’s the new artist model
File transfer complete
Download this song!
Download this song!
Download this song!

I know I'm rhyming fast, but the message is clear
You don’t need a million dollars to launch a career
If your style is unique and you practice what you preach
Minor Threat and Jello both have things to teach!
I've got G5 production, concept videos
Touring with a laptop, rocking packed shows
The old-school major deal? It makes no sense
Indentured servitude, the costs are too immense!
Their finger’s in the dam but the crack keeps on growing
Can’t sell bottled water when it’s freely flowing
Record sales slipping, down 8 percent
Increased download sales, you can't prevent
Satellite radio and video games
Changed the terrain, it will never be same
Did you know in ten years labels won't exist?
Goodbye DVD’s, and compact disks!

Hey Mr. Record Man,
What's wrong with you
Still living off your catalogue
From 1982
Hey Mr. Record Man,
Your system can't compete
It's the new artist model
File transfer complete
Download this song!
Download this song!
Download this song!

You know, we just wanted a level playing field.
You’ve overcharged us for music for years, and now we’re
Just trying to find a fair balance. I hate to say it, but…
Welcome to the future.

- MC Lars

i love the song above, because it really makes sense. and no, being cheap has nothing to do with downloading. the one thing that i'll miss with the demise of CDs are the CD liners. some of them are works of art in and of themselves. for me personally, my beef with most albums is that i usually end up liking only 1-3 songs out of 10-14 on the CD. they fill the CD with crap to make it seem like you're getting your money's worth. the only way i'm getting my money's worth is by the workout my finger is getting from pressing the skip button on the CD player.

p.s. to all 3 of my readers, there is a tagboard on the left side where you can pillory me if you wish.

hindsight is that much of bullshit. of course in retrospect i would have done this or that differently. if hindsight were foresight, we'd make no mistakes and WOW.. life would be oh-so-boring. the excitement of not knowing what tomorrow brings, the thrill of knowing that you may be surprised.. that makes life worth living. if along the way, you get some not so nice surprises, oh well.. that's just life telling you that it ain't all fun and games.

but since i'm feeling retrospective right now, i shall say this. i have done things in my life that i'm not proud of. i've hurt people who have done nothing to deserve being hurt by me. i have also been hurt by people and i've wondered what i did to deserve it. the answers, i'll never know. all i can do is carry on living and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

i told myself before that i would not live a lie. that i'd be true to myself. i need to be able to look in the mirror in the morning and be able to look myself in the eye and see that i have not devolved into something that i never wished to become. i have lived lies before and the burden on my conscience was a bit too much to take. hence my current course of action.

as robbie is singing on the cd i'm listening to right now, "cause i got too much life.. running through my veins, going to waste". i wanna change the person that i am, for the type of people i seek are the type of people i used to be, and i can't live in the past.

keep the faith...